In less than one week, we arrive at April 6th, a day which has proved to be one of the most important days of my entire life: the day I met my (now) husband Matt. We met at Outrun CF 2014, the charity event my family and I created to raise money to help battle the disease my sister and I both have, cystic fibrosis (CF). In the months following our beautiful meeting, Matt and I fell in love, and began dreaming of our future together. We spoke about our wedding day, the children we both wanted to have; then, I started to get sick. Throughout the summer and fall, I became progressively more ill, until I was no longer able to function at home. I went to St. Mikes for a check-up with my doctors, and didn’t come home until six weeks later. The following 18 months were the most difficult of my entire life; I was taking enough pain medication each day to tranquilize an elephant, I had a feeding tube (GJ), I was taking a medication so dangerous my doctors has to get special approval from the Canadian government, as it had been pulled from the market, I had too many tests, procedures and specialists visits to count, and still…I was only getting sicker and sicker. My future looked so bleak at times, and I can’t possibly put into words the guilt I felt for putting my family and friends through this disaster. It was only because of their support, and that of some absolutely rock star doctors, did I come out on the other side.

With the support of my parents and one incredibly special family friend, Paul Kelly, I was able to change my diet drastically, giving my digestive system the environment it needed to heal the damage done to it over the years. It can never be said enough to you three: thank you, thank you, thank you.

With the support of my boyfriend, turned fiancé (while I was still sick, no less), I was able to continue to imagine the beautiful life we wanted to have, where we would get married and have babies and live happily ever after.

With the support of my friends and family I was able to continue to stay positive, knowing another day will come tomorrow, and that just might be the day the tides change.

Those 18 months were so incredibly difficult, and following that, I spent 10 months in constant withdrawal, as I weaned myself from the medication I was given to assist in getting off opiates. I was in withdrawal at my wedding, and on my honeymoon, and it was so, so tough.

And yet, given the chance, I would not change a single thing. I am grateful for the struggle, because it taught me so much. The struggle taught me about the power of love, resilience, strength, courage, and belief: I always knew I would get better, and so did Matt. We had shit to do, and I needed to be healthy for it! With suffering comes an ability to see the world through a different lens, and though I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything, I do wish my loved ones did not have to suffer alongside me. To those who were and are close to me, and to those who were watching and praying from a distance, I will never be able to thank you enough.

Every year at this time, I reflect on my journey, and it seems incredible to me it has already been five years since I really began this journey. I am so proud of the village of people which surrounds me, of the love and gratitude I feel to my body for simply bringing me back from the brink of extreme despair and sickness. This life I lead today is so worth the struggle of the last five years.

On April 14th, 2019 we will be celebrating Outrun CF once again with a 5k run/walk at Carruther’s Marsh Pavilion in Ajax. If you’re free that day, or would like to make a donation, please click on the link. We hope to see you there (and we hope for sun this year!).

With love,

Courtney (aka Coopers Mama)